Often we are met with particular challenges as our child develops and is at a loss as to how to handle these situations. If one view parenting from their internal perspective these challenges can be put into three categories.
The definition of being triggered as a parent is your child behaving in a way that was difficult for you as a child, a behavior that you were criticized for as a child or your child treats you in a way that your parents treated you that was hurtful.
Parents know that their child has triggered them when a parent’s anger rises from zero to sixty in a flash (with the exception of your child behaving in a dangerous manner).
2. Developmental Challenges
As your baby develops, he/she develops their sense of self and has different ideas than you do about all sorts of things. Most people including children consciously do not like to be told what to do. Of course, unconsciously your child needs guidance. At age, two children begin to assert their autonomy. When you first hear that dreaded word NO! Many parents get triggered. Usually, parents first impulse is to control the behavior. This may be very necessary if your child is young or is in a dangerous situation. However, if we as parents can begin to look at the complexity of a child’s life and ask why parents will get much farther in helping their child to become autonomous in a safe and socially acceptable way.
3. Goodness of Fit
The last challenge of parenting discussed in this post is the goodness of fit. The goodness of fit is defined as how well personality traits, behaviors and types of intelligence fit in with a particular family. The goodness of fit is related to the two categories above. A child who fits in well with the parents and siblings can be wonderful. The family can feel harmonious. However, often a child is born with differences in temperament, intelligence, social skill, and/or behavior that trigger members of the family. Parents, as well as siblings, can get triggered which can cause sibling rivalry and more upset and frustration for parents. The most important part of parenting is learning to understand oneself, one’s triggers and learn about your children. Each child may need something different from parents. Also, Parents working together to respect the style of each one of parenting.
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